I can’t say it isn’t a nice thought, though — the “don’t kill animals, just grow them to be eaten” part, not the reward. I will say that PETA has their heart is in the right place, even if that heart is full of bitter black hatred for their own species and doesn’t always seem on the up-and-up for the animals they profess to love, either.

Producing in vitro meat that has no feelings, no brains, and no way of suffering would be a great moral balm for anyone wanting to eat their steak and potatoes without guilt. It would also mean less environmental damage than the huge factory farms that are destroying tracts of land and creating literal ponds of shit (especially in the case of pig farming) and less risk of disease or use of growth hormones on the meat itself. Not to mention, that’ll help clean up our methane problem.

It sounds too good to be true and probably is. I could go on a rant about how governments could allow this new technology to create sub-par, genetically corrupted meat that results in horrific cancers or strange mutations or amazing superpowers. (Maybe not the last one.) But I don’t honestly believe that. Not because of any faith in the government, mind you.

You know vitamin pills? Supplements are awesome when you don’t have the time or resources to eat right, or have certain vitamin deficiencies. This doesn’t change the fact that the human body doesn’t process supplements as well as it processes whole, natural foods. Most of the vitamins in those pills just pass through our systems and aren’t absorbed at all. Real food, cultivated properly, is just healthier for everyone involved.

And thus we circle back around to the issue of massive, animal abusing, environment destroying factory farms, that are producing meat in unnatural and unhealthy situations. They shouldn’t and can’t continue as they are. PETA and other animal rights groups would just like to see them disbanded entirely. I can’t agree with that either, because some people, as well as certain pets that people keep, need to eat meat. Humans are omnivores. Get over it.

So what to do?

Eat less meat, for one. The amount of animal protein consumed in the United States alone is staggering. Even with the growing vegetarian community, there are still restaurants who’s menus are 90% meat dishes. Many of said dishes are composed primarily of a Meat, and then some random vegetable that isn’t even identified in the list of ingredients beyond “served with roasted vegetables”. Salads aren’t considered a ‘real meal’ until some strips of grilled chicken or bacon have been tossed on top and vegetable soups get a base of chicken or beef broth because, apparently, they aren’t flavorful enough on their own. And the average household feeds itself following the same thought process. I know mine did growing up.

Maybe instead of replacing meat with a laboratory produced equivalent — or attacking people with horrible images of slaughterhouses to make them feel bad about themselves for liking a nice rare steak on occasion — we could try changing the direction of our diets?